I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
