Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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