I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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