you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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