he shaved USA in his pubs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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