Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
