I swear she didn't look like that last week.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
