They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
