My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
