She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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