I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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