i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
