think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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