it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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