my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
