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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
