She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So much rum. So many feels.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
