I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize