The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
