walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
