He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
