He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
