Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
