The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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