I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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