my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
