What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
