that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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