Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
