My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
