oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
whose parrot is this?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
