i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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