I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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