I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
