Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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