I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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