Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
