Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
