words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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