dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
