Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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