He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
