My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
