First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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