Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
