I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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