So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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