he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i now understand why vodka
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
