I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh god it's open bar.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
