Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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