I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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