He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
