So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
