but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
