There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
