Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
