Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
