"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
