I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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