It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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