so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize