doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
