I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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