Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Never underestimate the power of titties
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize