I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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