people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
