he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
