The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
