two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
