Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we're making bets on your personal life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need to sanitize my soul.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
