I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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